Planet Gallifrey

Monday, October 1

The craziest, randomest rumours I have ever heard..... EVER!

Okay... found this on a website, god knows where this person got these ideas.
I must stress this: RUMOR, RUMOR, RUMOR! NOT CONFIRMED! MOST PROBABLY COMPLETELY MADE UP, PROBABLY WON'T EVEN HAPPEN...!!!

Right... on to what I found. Brace yourselves.
Following are speculations for Season 4:

40X. Voyage of the Damned
Christmas Special by Russell T Davies
The Titanic crashes into the TARDIS just as it is dematerialising. The Doctor finds that time is being manipulated by some spikey aliens called Porgs and he gets the help of a young waitress aboard the Titanic. It is about to leave on its maiden voyage so the adventure will probably continue until the ship strikes the iceberg. Hmm. Does this mean that the iceberg was really a space ship or that the invasion of these aliens actually caused the ship to crash?

401. Fires of Vulcan II (Suggested Title)
by Russell T Davies
Donna Noble encounters an alien emergency in London and there's only one person she knows of that can help her. But what has ancient Rome got to do with anything? A quick trip to Pompei when Mount Vesuvius is about to explode. Can they save all the people?

402. Mind War (Suggested Title)
Donna and The Doctor visit Agatha Christie, played by Fenella Woolgar, and together they investigate a strange murder. The Doctor begins having flashbacks to the Time War. Something is starting to affect his past.

403. Planet of the Ood (Title in a news report)

A trip to the far future. The Doctor remembers his eighth incarnation and knows that a storm is coming. Something he'd forgotten. Something to do with Davros. Something buried in the bowels of the Ship, Chesterfield. Donna has to deal with some Ood.

404. A Deadly Past (Suggested Title)


405. Axonite (Part 2) (Suggested Title)

By Terrance Dicks
Something has taken control of the TARDIS. Something that has been trapped in a timeloop in geostationery orbit above Britain for 30 years.
The Axons are back!

406. Sapphire Avenged (Suggested Title)

Joanna Lumley takes on the role of the Master, while John Simms reprises his role as the Master's spirit. The Doctor and Donna track the Master down in the year 100 trillion.

407. The Icy Nemesis (Suggested Title)

A strange signal is being received from Mars and a retired Brigadier is asked to help decipher it. He calls on the Doctor for the first official meeting of Earth and the Ice Warriors. But they can't find the Doctor. But they can find Martha Jones.

408. Eternal Triangle (Suggested Title)


409. Destruction of the Daleks (Suggested Title)

Time continues to change. The rupture caused by the Axons is starting to pull the Doctor back into the Time War. He knows he destroyed Davros but now he's back (Played by Ben Kingsley) And what do the Eternals have to do with things?
More flashback scenes of the 8th Doctor during the timewar, including the moment when Davros kills him.
Martha and Donna get on really well in this story!

410. Time War Part 1 (Suggested Titles)

411. Time War Part 2

412. Time War Part 3

413. Time War Part 4

The Time War has changed. The outcome is different. The Daleks have won. The Doctor needs to go back and change time again. Watch the death of his fellow Time Lords again. Watch Gallifrey burn again. But he finds a way to change everything. The Time Lords can live again but it may cost the Doctor his 10th life.

This would also be story number 200 and worth a celebration in itself.

AND there is a rumor floating about about the return of ROSE. But, as I have said for everything else in this post. IT IS JUST A RUMOR!

Friday, September 28

Rebirth - Chapter 9

The Doctor slammed the door shut and sprinted back into the living room. He grabbed Fyffe by the arm and pushed her into Madison, before forcing them both onto the floor and huddling protectively over them. There wasn’t even time for either of the females to think or argue about what he had done, because a few seconds later, the door was blown off its hinges. Recoil

Behind the blasted piece of wood, came a very loud sound: the kind of sound that would occur if a large clump of noise was rolled into a ball, and smashed into another ball of noise. Whereupon, both balls of noise would promptly explode. Basically… it was very very loud.

‘What was that!’ screamed Madison.
The Doctor sprang upwards and began pulling piles of books of the nearby bookshelf. ‘Uh…’ he said, ‘well, it sounded to me like a very loud sound.’

‘What?’
‘It was an explosion!’ the Doctor shouted at her, ‘I understand you’re getting a lot of them at the moment!’
‘Well… yes! We’re at war! But, what exploded?!’

The Doctor shook his head and began to open books at random, flickering through the thick, glossy pages.
Fyffe pulled herself upwards and drifted towards a nearby window that was framed with disfigured and twisted lumps of glass. As she stared out of it, she said; ‘that building next door, the one that was already on fire… it looks like a factory. It’s been hit again.’ Unseen by the other two, she narrowed her eyes at the burning building and glowered, ‘they must be trying to hit any kind of big building, anything that could be an easy target.’

Wrenching her eyes away from the frantic Doctor, Madison gave a concerned look at the back of Fyffe’s head. It was the first thing that the girl had said that hadn’t sounded insane and, like the Doctor had done, she realized that there was more depth to Fyffe than she had previously thought. She briefly wondered why the girl had a sudden hardness to her voice as she spoke about them…

From behind, there came a loud thump as the Doctor snapped shut a large book and threw it away over his shoulder, muttering to himself.
‘Hey!’ said Madison.

‘Listen, Madison,’ the Doctor said rapidly, ‘I need to find out about this place, this planet, this city, other cities… you must have books with that kind of stuff, surely?’
Madison nodded, ‘well, yeah I suppose. I don’t know where they are though.’

The Doctor shot her a pained expression. ‘Okay… fine. Just grab some books and get searching then!’
He began racing around in front of Madison with such energy, that Madison was sure he was going to have a heart-attack. She rubbed her eyes and, once again, tried to make sense of what had just happened. From somewhere behind her, a leather bound journal came happily wizzing over hear head and was smoothly caught by the Doctor. He opened it at random, ran his finger over the page and closed the book with a thwack.

‘Nope,’ he said, ‘no good,’ and he lobbed the book back through the air. Madison spun around and saw Fyffe catch the book with the same fluidity and ease as the Doctor. Both had an incessant look of determination about their faces and she wondered again if they weren’t somehow related. It dawned on her that this strange pair was still in her house, and after all the confusion they had caused, they were now littering her floor with piles of books and papers. She had spent hours filing them…!

As though the world was trying to push Madison’s patience to the limit, a large chunk of her ceiling abruptly decided to collapse onto the floor. Dusts as debris were suddenly thrown into the air and engulfed the room in a cloud of white powder. After dropping his book in surprise, the Doctor gritted his teeth and snarled at the fresh pile of rubble before glaring up through the hole in the ceiling.

'Stop trying to drop things on me!’ he shouted in the general direction of the sky.
Coming to an abrupt decision, and once again allowing her temper to snap, Madison took thee long strides forward and snatched up the book from the floor, holing it threateningly.

'Get out of my house!’ she demanded furiously.
The Doctor raised his eyebrows at her and glanced again at the pile of rubble. ‘It’s ruined your carpet,’ he commented.
‘It’s a nice carpet,’ said Fyffe.

The Doctor nodded. ‘Made from Erreep wool, is it? That’s nice, that is. Using your own recourses… no need to waste all that pollution through long distance trading and all that, who needs all that bargaining and wasted time? Nah, you just need to nip down to your local market and get some freshly grown Erreep wool. I like that: self sufficient.’

Fyffe nodded earnestly and looked down at the carpet. ‘Shame…’ she said. Madison followed her gaze and shrugged half heartedly.

‘It wasn’t a particularly expensive carpet,’ she said truthfully, ‘it’s the most simple design you can get and…’ she trailed off as she realized that both the Doctor and Fyffe were completely ignoring her. In fact, they weren’t even standing next to her anymore. Madison turned and saw them once again rooting through her book self in search of information.

She growled. Never in her life had she found a pair that was so utterly and confusingly rude! Every time she tried to get some form of understanding or control over the situation they just… they just… completely changed the subject and reverse psychology-ied her! It was even more vexing than having a conversation with Ryan’s beard!

'You, you! You…!!!!’ Madison began.
Fyffe shook her head at the older woman and nodded towards the Doctor. ‘He’s muchsmarter that you.’
‘So?!’
‘…so he knows what he’s doing.’
Under the calm surety of the girl, Madison glowered. ‘Doing what? What’s he doing?’ she said.
Fyffe’s face suddenly beamed. ‘He’s going to save the world,’ she stated with complete conviction.

Madison frowned at the girl and fought to regain some control. ‘He can’t save the world, don’t be stupid…’ something Fyffe had said suddenly filtered back her mind. ‘Wait, how d’you know he’s smarter than me?’ she demanded. ‘You don’t even know me!’
‘Sorry,’ said the Doctor, still leafing through large books, ‘but I am.’
Madison turned and scowled at him. ‘Prove it,’ she said.
The Doctor looked up at her. ‘You what?’
‘Prove it,’ Madison said again stubbornly. ‘Prove you’re smarter than me.’

The Doctor looked bewildered and glanced at Fyffe, who shrugged at him. ‘Uh,’ he said, ‘look, can’t we just drop this?’
‘No.’
‘Ah,’ said the Doctor, ‘alright. I’m smarter than you because…’ he gestured wildly, as though trying to pull an idea out of the air, ‘… because I can name every planet that ever existed.’

He looked at Madison, who slowly raised her eyebrows.
‘Right…’ she said in complete disbelief. ‘And you just have that knowledge in your head do you? Or did you get given it as a Christmas present from you great auntie, the tooth fairy?’

Fyffe let out a short laugh and the Doctor shook his head in impatience. What he wanted to do, right now, was to find out as much as he could about Pericolo so he could help. Not be bombarded with stupid questions and sarcastic comments from a random person who seemed more likely to bite his knees off than to be helpful. He briefly wondered what happened to the times when he would stumble into a situation, and people would just tell him what he wanted to know without all the tedious attitude…

‘No,’ he said slowly, ‘I learnt it in school. That’s where we had to learn it; otherwise we wouldn’t be able to pass the lower-level exams.’

‘Look,’ said Madison as the Doctor returned to the books, ‘there is no way you could have learned every planet and whatever at school. You wouldn’t even be able to learn it in your life time.’ She looked the Doctor up and down. ‘And you’re… what? Thirty two? Thirty six?’
‘Nine hundred.’
He glanced up at her and saw her blink and stop, her mouth slightly open.
'I’m not human,’ explained the Doctor.

Madison gaped at him. ‘Well… obviously! After what you just said…! Course you’re not a bloody human, you think I’m that stupid! I’m not even human!’
‘You’re not?’ Fyffe smiled quizzically, ‘then what are you?’

Madison paused, suddenly thrown of her train of thought. ‘Well… my ancestors were kind of human, I suppose, but I never really counted as pure human because I’m descended from bio-genetically engineered flesh,’ she gave the Doctor a hopeful look as though wanting praise for saying something clever, but the only response she got was for him to straighten up and frown deeply.

Fyffe grimaced. ‘That doesn’t sound pleasant,’ she said.
In response, Madison shook her head and frowned. ‘Stop distracting me!’ she shouted. Fyffe shrugged and returned her attention back onto the books. The Doctor stood still, looking expectantly at Madison.

‘I was just trying to work out what you are,’ Madison continued sullenly. ‘There are no other life forms that have ever come to Tendra that have had that long a life span, or can apparently walk through smoke, or ramble on, or act as confusingly as you two,’ she shot Fyffe a quick glance, ‘or are as weird as you…’ she sighed and looked at the Doctor, ‘go on then, what are you?’

‘I’m a Time Lord.’
‘Right,’ said Madison, ‘what’s that then?’
The Doctor looked confused. ‘It’s a… lord… of time,’ he said.
Madison shrugged and turned to Fyffe. ‘And you’re a…a Time Girl?’ she asked.
Fyffe suddenly looked appalled. ‘No!’
The Doctor groaned and ran his hands roughly through his hair.

‘Okay... as much as I’m loving this conversation… I really, really need to just find out about this place.’ He turned to look at Madison. ‘None of these books are going to help are they?’

The woman shrugged and gave her head a quick shake. Fyffe lowered the book she was holding and let it drop to the floor. She watched the human and the Time Lord intensely but kept her mouth firmly shut. Through what the Doctor has said, she knew that information that she so desperately wanted, was what he was so urgently trying to find, and if she just went along with whatever happened… she would get her answers.

In front of her, the Doctor took two steps towards Madison, and spoke to her gently.
‘Look, I understand about your confusion and hostility, and I’m sorry we barged in here and started demanding things. But I’ve learned that the quicker I find out what I need to know, the faster I can help to fix problems… I just need information. I’m trying to fix this,trying to help.’

Madison sighed and fixed the Doctor with an expectant look. ‘You did save me…’ she said, as though trying to convince herself to help him. ‘But, how can you possibly think that you’re going to fix all this? We’re at war and you’re just one man, what can you do?’

The Doctor flashed her with a genuine grin of triumph. ‘I’m the Doctor,’ he said, ‘and if there’s one thing I’m good at, among my other countless thousand of talents, it’s fixing problems.’
And he sounded so certain, so sure of himself, that Madison nodded her head slowly. Other than being rude, she had seen no other bad intension from him; it was more like bad timing. She decided to look past the demons in his eyes and help the lonely, desperate man.

‘Okay,’ she said, ‘I better not regret helping you, or you’ll be sorry,’ the Doctor held up his hands in mock surrender and Madison allowed herself to smile for the first time. ‘What kind of things do you want to know?’ she asked.

The Doctor lowered his hands and buried them deep into his pockets. ‘Anything and everything,’ he said. ‘Neighboring planets, neighboring cities, exchange rate, when you were founded, list of rulers, family trees, weather patterns, the extent of your ecosystem, phosphate levels in your soil, percentage of oxygen in the atmosphere, planetary anomalies, history, geography, biology, psychology… just something to get me thinking along the right lines.’

Madison gaped at him.
‘I think it would be best if I just took you to the library or something,’ she said, ‘I’m not even sure I got half of what you just said.’

There was a sudden shuddering of more explosions and the house shook again, creaking in protest. The Doctor glanced up at the ceiling and frowned.
‘As much as I love books,’ he said, ‘I don’t think we have that much time to go through a whole library.’

Madison hurried over to the door and peered outside. ‘Our library isn’t full of books,’ she said over her shoulder, ‘its all in a giant data base on a computer… the only problem,’ she whipped her head back round the door to look at the Doctor and Fyffe, ‘is that it’s on the other side of the city.’

Tuesday, September 25

The TARDIS Diaries - Part 2

Title: The TARDIS Diaries
Summary:
Random diary entries from the ship we love so much... "I deserve respect! I'm a TARDIS! I have feelings! True, they may be somewhat distorted so that I get a bit giggly every time that I land in a forest, but feelings none the less!"


Part 2
From 'The Empty Child' to 'Children in Need special'


Day 5558094:
Spent the whole day carrying people around. Intensely boring.


Day 5558095:
I feel violated…
My insides are dirty – and not in the kinky, sexual way either. It feels so bad that I am considering appearing on Yeauta7 in attempt to clean myself (planet is made entirely of soap)

Anyway…Followed little flashing mauve light - Doctor appears to have some fascination in scenarios that are most likely to wound or kill. Appeared in 1941 and was mentally assaulted by small child in a gas mask.

I am a TARDIS! I am brilliant and have the largest psychic network EVER! No mere human child should be able to break my defenses…! But silly child does and rings me. And then… THEN, silly Doctor blames me for making a noise! Does he think I don’t know that my silly phone isn’t a real one?! I KNOW it isn’t!

And after that, the Doctor buggers off to places unknown, leaving me to comfort myself against shock… And after THAT someone drops a bomb on me!… All because some person was hanging 700 feet above me wearing a union jack – silly idiot.

The bomb didn’t affect me of course, but it still managed to be most vexing. Have come to the conclusion that life isn’t fair… and may end up resigning myself to absorbing room 6 back into my systems – it’s full of chocolate.


Day 5558095:
I’m so brilliant; I amaze myself on a regular basis.

Only something with my superior intellect would be able to create a temporal spatio link to a Time Agents ship whilst it was traveling through space.

Doctor took all the credit of course, will have revenge later when I compress the atoms of his bed into rock hard fossil like substance while he sleeps.


Day 5558096:
Life is not that bad.

Was briefly kicked by Doctor when he woke up with severe back ache, but it’s hardly my fault if he must be so arrogant and take credit for everything.

More importantly, there’s a new boy with us. Captain Jack. On comparing him to weasel-boy… well, there is no comparison. He gets on well with Rose and Doctor, and is clever which makes a nice change, and doesn’t go fainting every time he’s taken somewhere slightly out of him comfort zone.

The best thing is he spends a lot of time fixing me. Is like getting sensual massage from very attractive masseuse…


Day 5558097:
Landed on a weird planet full of perfectly normal looking humans, except that they’re evolved from elephants… so have white tusks.

Doctor, Rose and Jack all wander off and I’m left to my extensive Tetris game… others came back after a few hours in rather a hurry. Have discovered that Jack got friendly with one of the elephant people and mistook his tusk for… something else.

Am quite jealous, but it would make hilarious story.


Day 5558099:
Ah…I think I’m smitten…

Took some while for me to realize this as it’s difficult for a giant blue, wooden ship to get ones head around complex human emotions.

…..

…..

…..

Would a Boeshannian ever go for a police box?

…..

…..

Not exactly the most compatible relationship, but he does appear to go for anything that moves. Still, am quite curios as to how we would… communicate. More time must be spent taking this problem into consideration.


Day 55580100:
Just got shouted at when chocolate room was discovered empty.
Stupid lousy Time Lord git. Can’t he learn to control cravings?
Now we are marooned in space while Jack tries to persuade him to get out of bathroom.


Day 5558105:
HA! I feel SO good!
I’m on the rift and I am FIRED up!!!!


Day 5558106:
Hmmm… rather an interesting day.
Okay, that’s putting it really, really lightly… it was horrible

Idiot Mickey turns up, but then he left so I was less annoyed. Silly Sletheen alien woman was hanging around again, and they brought her into me! How dare they?! I didn’t want her smelly gaseous tendencies drifting along my hallways! But no one listens to me so I amused myself by watching World War 2 again –well I can see all of time and space.

But then stupid Slitheen tried to blow things up… had a stupid Tribophysical Waveform Macro-kinetic Extrapolator, and stupid Jack attached it to me, and it opened the stupid rift, so I gained a stupidly stupid amount of power and nearly blew up… kinda put a damper on my day really…

That seems to happen a lot.

Anyway, was fine, and I bit back and made stupid Slitheen look into my vortex and reduced her to an egg. Yeah, I RULE!

Day 5558108:
……. Uhhh…. Um…uh.

Everything has changed… am uncertain weather it is good or not. Or what the consequences of what has happened will be…

Someone used a temporal scoop and took Doctor, Jack and Rose away… I was left to drift but was collected by unknown people and put in storage room. Insufficient data at this point, but next thing I know, Jack in inside me and in making calculations for a transmit devise… from reading Captains bio readings and heightened stress levels, was assumed that something had happened to Rose.

Was not happy.

Then Doctor and Jack arrive and we go to other end of the universe to get Rose back. Was a little more than intense… gathered from Doctor that Daleks were still at large. Momentarily worried that he may go and lock himself in bathroom again, but obviously situation was much more serious than that.

Ha! Silly Daleks tried to kill me…! Doesn’t sound funny, but when you have a Tribophysical Waveform Macro-kinetic Extrapolator attached to your systems, there’s nothing much that anyone can do to you. Basically, I rule… again!

Arrived on Dalek ship, ONTOP of Rose (oh yeah, I’m good) and they tried to shoot Doctor… silly, silly, silly! Did they not think I would protect him!

So Daleks have been building giant fleet… not good… is like the Time War over again and Doctor does not deserve that. Doesn’t deserve to loose those he cares about, so he sent Rose home in me…

Did not want to leave him.

………….

………….

………….

………….

………….

Oh… and he told Rose to just let me die! How DARE he! But… at the time it did not seem important, would be hard to continue without Doctor. TARDIS and Time Lord go together like raw sewage and disease.

So was left on Earth. I knew my duty and had fulfilled it – was satisfied to just while away my days with Tetris and Solitaire, but Noooooo! Rose had to be stubborn! She went and got giant chain and big yellow truck and… well… opened me.

Not as dirty as it sounds!

But a little embarrassing.

Not just because I let a puny human get the better of me, but because I deliberately let her… I wanted to go to the Doctor just as much as her. I intentionally disobeyed his orders…

Bad Wolf was created.

The power of the time vortex, of the universe, condensed inside a tiny and insignificant female human. I granted her the power of a god, and don’t regret it for one second.

Unsure of what she did – her human consciousness was dominant within her mind as I did not want to compress her… it was inevitable, but was hoping to slow the process. Have vague memories of destroying the Dalek fleet, bringing someone to life… I know that bit went wrong…

Doctor saved Rose - was not strange being a part of him, we have been connected for over 1000 years anyway – then I was retuned to my normal state.

Had to leave Jack. He is… wrong. So, so, so wrong… like ketchup on a kitkat (trust me on that one)

Things went from bad to worse. My power damaged the Doctor to far beyond normal repair, and he was forced to regenerate… am quite used to it but it came as a bit of a shock, especially for Rose…

New Doctor was… hyper active. Time Lords all look the same to me anyway, but I could tell it was him, he had the same psychic wave length. Have learned not to judge forst impression of Doctor, he is often unstable… so we shall see what –


Oh god… why did he just press that button??
What was he think– ah, ah, wait…
Oh… ah, ah! AHHHHH!!

‘Here we go… Christmas eve…!’


Onwards to Part 3!

When in Rome...

Heres some news that the BBC decided to generously share with us about the upcoming Roman episode. Hooray!

The Doctor and his new companion Donna are set to travel back in time to the Roman Empire for the fourth series of Doctor Who.

In one of the most ambitious episodes to date, The Doctorand Donna arrive in Pompeii in AD 79, on the eve of the historic eruption of Mount Vesuvius.

The Time Lord and his companion are posed with an immediate dilemma; should they warn the residents of Pompeii of the forthcoming catastrophe or leave them to fend for themselves?

"Arriving in Pompeii marks the start of another exciting adventure for the Doctor and Donna," said Doctor Who's Executive Producer and Head Writer, Russell T Davies. "Donna is stunned to find herself in the midst of history's most famous volcanic eruption. Viewers can expect many more ambitious storylines and a whole host of guest stars in 2008."

The Thick of It actor Peter Capaldi guest stars as Caecillius. He's joined by actor Phil Davis as Lucius. Further guest stars include Actress Tracey Childs, who plays Metella.

The filming of the episode took place at Cinecitta studios in Rome, which the Doctor Who team expertly transformed into Pompeii for a week of filming in September of this year.

Monday, September 24

The TARDIS Diaries - Part 1

Title: The TARDIS Diaries
Summary:
Random diary entries from the ship we love so much... "I deserve respect! I'm a TARDIS! I have feelings! True, they may be somewhat distorted so that I get a bit giggly every time that I land in a forest, but feelings none the less!"


Part 1
From 'Rose' to 'Fathers Day'

Day 5558083:
Been around 6833 days since Time War ended. Doctor still moping despite taking him on a detour to November 22 1963 to see Kennedy. Forgot it was then that he was assassinated. In hindsight, probably not a good move. Now Doctor has locked himself in bathroom 83 and refuses to come out.


Day 5558086:
Am sick of this, Doctor needs some company. Have tried on multiple occasions to engage him in conversation, yet he seems to assume its just excess gas. My wiring was fiddled with today. Not sure what he was trying to fix, but I now have an odd craving for lemon porridge.


Day 5558091:
Am bored and sick of depressed Doctor. Have decided I will find someone for the moping Time Lord, so will create a fake emergency signal and whisk him off to Earth. Seems like the obvious choice, most companions come from there.


Day 5558092:
On Earth. Doctor has wandered off somewhere. Am wondering what he’s up to, but don’t really care that much.


Day 5558094:
Doctor’s been gone for two days now. It’s endearing how he becomes so obsessed with small enigmas and aliens that I make up. Am keeping myself amused by playing Tetris, which is by far the easiest game as I can see all of time, so know which pieces are coming. Maybe it appeals as name is similar to mine.


Day 5558095:
Doctor has returned. Turns out there is a giant invasion of the Nestines. Who’d have thought it? Was assuming he spent two days following aliens, but noooo – I caught a glimpse of a blond haired girl before I disappeared. Trying hard not to let my huge expanse of imagination run off on a whim. Dirty Time Lord Minx.


Day 5558097:
Doctor told me to follow Nestine signal back on Earth, but was sulking over blond, so took him to the bow of Titanic in 1912. Didn’t know it was about to sink. My bad.


Day 5558110:
Appeared in the back alley of some random restaurant (right time and everything, but do I get any thanks?) Doctor disappears, then reappears, promptly followed by blond.

Was about to sulk – but realized is much more difficult for ship to do, as would be hard to lock myself in my own toilet… temporal nightmare… changed my mind anyway when she appeared. First thing she did was turn tail and scarper outside again. Then she started crying, before yelling at Doctor for apparently melting her boyfriends head. Will never understand humans.

Follow signal, arrive somewhere new, don’t get thanked as little love birds run off… Was contemplating beginning a new Tetris game but decided instead to eject all the hot water from my systems so that Doctor will get a shock next time he decided to wash.

I randomly got hauled off by some Autons with severe fashion sense as well. It was all sorted out in the end… but will never understand humans OR their choice of clothing.

Can not believe I ever felt threatened by her. She is like other humans. Mostly harmless. Already appears to have more sense than Doctor. Rather handy, but only when large chain is hanging from a ceiling.


Day 5558111:
Little blond girl coming along. Can’t complain if it’ll stop Doctor moping and locking self in random toilets each time something bad happens.

Wishing fervently that Doctor had thought of locating some lemons and porridge when on Earth. Craving is persistent.


Day 5558128:
Feel rather strange… large parts of my wiring have been removed by Doctor. Closest analogy would be something along the lines of eating 12 laxative tablets and spending remaining day clamped onto toilet. Hoping he knows what he is doing…


Day 5558132:
Have spent last few days ferrying Doctor and blondy around. She’s ok, seems to at least have sensitive side. If only Doctor would look into her mind, and understand poor child’s body being hormone central.

Love is so tedious.


Day 5558133:
Been to future – some cretin attempted to frazzle me. Been to past – was snowing (unsure if this was attempt to freeze me, but highly doubt it as Earth ecosystem is not that advanced) Went back to blond girls Earth home some little cretin decided to scribble on me. Am certain this was not attempt on life but is still bloody annoying. Imagine waking up after a bad night and finding huge tattoo… Don’t care much for bad wolf. Whole scenario is wearisome and below my notice. At least until it happens in a month or two.

Blond got given key, so have decided to accept her. Will install data.

+++error+++
file data 4.5673 located
message: delete??
++redo from start++
//apple.7++
Name...:::
Telekinetic~~
...::psychic residual
#~brainwaves attached]]
data received
Rose Tyler initiated
++out of cheese error++
++redo from start++


Day 5558134:
Felt some signal and presence of advance technology… possibly Fallapatorians. Either that, or Earth has a much more advanced pig race than I thought. Doctor comes back for a visit and we buggered off without Rose. Am confused. Should newly installed data be deleted?

Arrived in some storage room. Must I always remain in the role of “object to be used when needed”? Sometimes feel Doctor sees me in the same was as he may a stapler. Am also concerned that favoritism is being developed for the Sonic Screwdriver. Maybe because it is pocket accessible… feel scandalized.

I sometimes wake up at night fearing that this shape makes me look fat… if not rather square. I tell myself I am beyond paranoia. But unfortunately, I don’t trust what I say.

Arrive back from cupboard to find myself filled with Rose and family. Unhappy about mounting domestically, but was happy when Doctor told them to bugger off. All is forgiven for choosing a screwdriver over a living ship.

Everyone leaves, am left on my own to complete my extensive gave of solitaire that consists of 6 decks of cards. Is less tedious than Tetris, despite my fondness of name.


Day 5558136:
Am very unhappy.

New human is with us… immediate impression: weasel. He seems unable to comprehend present situation.

Will try to abandon him at first possible chance.

Additional: I hate Daleks.


Day 5558137:
Current mood: vexed.
Some large gelatinous blob attempted to crack Doctor and Rose to gain access to my infinite and most brilliant knowledge – Am not vain, am simply pointing out fact. Irritating weasel-boy nearly gives everything away with his silly head-hole. Was not happy.

Triumphant that he was left on Earth, am hoping he will be forced to join some form of circus where people can point and laugh at him and his hole. No sexual innuendo intended.

In other news, I recently discovered that I have a 7 acre meadow that has been steadily growing inside of me somewhere around zone 87395. Is quite nice.


Day 5558093:
Why, of all the life forms in time and space, would the Doctor have a preference for humans? He seems to go through mood swings with them – hate them, love them – like they bring on a PMT attack. Will never understand.

Rose and Doctor moody and depressed yet seem to have closer bond than usual. Have put it down to silly humans and their emotional attachments to parents. Apparently, seeing the death of loved ones hurts. Who’d have thought it? Me and Doctor saw home planet destroyed – bit worse than lovingly saying goodbye to father who has only been in life for a few hours. Doctor does not appear to have this view. Will put it down to his selfless brilliance… and the fact that he only ever shows his true emotions when on his own and sulking in various urinals.

Was temporarily erased from existence which really put a dampener on my whole day. Resigning myself to sulking....


Onwards to Part 2!