Title: The TARDIS Diaries
Summary: Random diary entries from the ship we love so much... "I deserve respect! I'm a TARDIS! I have feelings! True, they may be somewhat distorted so that I get a bit giggly every time that I land in a forest, but feelings none the less!"
From 'The Christmas Invasion' to 'Rise of the Cybermen'
He bleeding crashed me!!
In to a bleeding wall!
And another bleeding wall!
And a bleeding car!
And some bleeding dustbins!
Can you tell that I’m a little upset?!?
Just because I am infinitely brilliant in every possible way does not mean that he can treat me as the large lump of wood I’m disguised as! I have feelings...! True… they may be somewhat distorted so that I get a bit giggly every time that I land in a forest, but feelings none the less!
Seriously, I had real doubts whether I would like this new incarnation. But then, well, then he collapsed, and I felt it. I mean, not just sensing it, I felt it. As if it was me who was suffering. Not pleasant let me tell you.
Then Rose and the other domestic Homo sapiens went and took him away. I think they were trying to help, either that or they wanted to sacrifice him to their god and then eat him, but as far as I know the human race grew out of that by 2007
They shouldn’t have taken him away though… the Doctor’s regenerative cycle means that he needs to be in close contact with me in order to help the healing process. But to silly humans know that? No, of course not.
So, once again, I’m left on my own to entertain my bottomless well of knowledge with silly trivial games of dominos (Tetris is to fantastic to be referred to as trivial) And next thing I know there’s a giant Sycorax ship over London!
Then Rose and Doctor and others come back, and sit in me and try to fiddle with my controls. If they had half a brain then I would have been able to tell them exactly what was wrong with the Doctor, and what was happening, and how to stop it all. But no one ever asks me!
And THEN, I’m teleported away up onto the ship. It really irks me that lesser beings think they can just bundle me about, I mean, I could have just overridden the teleport controls but… well, I’m just… far too lazy.
But it was all okay in the end; Doctor woke up and stopped it all. I like new Doctor; he’s like an extremely clever, excitable yet very evil little child. I see fun times ahead.
I know that the Doctor maybe needed a bit of time to recover… and Rose probably wanted to see her family for a bit, and they needed to get over the shock of the Sycorax since their puny human minds find it hard to deal with such things, but still…. I’m bored!
It’s been 2 days and I’m still sitting here in this parking lot… I want to go! Oh good god, I hope the Doctor hasn’t turned domestic…
No, its okay, crisis averted, we’re off.
…. Hey, New Earth! That’s nice… apart from the fact that I’ve been left on a hillside overlooking the city while the Doctor and Rose and off gallivanting about somewhere… probably canoodaling as well I shouldn’t think. Typical!
Oh… and HA for when they finally find out about the Face of Boe!
The Doctor’s playing that annoying song again… what is it with his odd fascination with humans and their appalling tastes in what they like to call music?? I’m so annoyed that I’m going to take him to the wrong century. Ha!
… I’m a little confused… Right, the Doctor and Rose are back but before that I got left on my own again. It doesn’t even matter if a drop them off in the wrong point in time and space, they still always manage to go off and have a good time without me!
And don’t try telling me that running away from a Lupine Wavelength Haemavoriform isn’t exactly a walk in the park… its better than sitting on a hill for a day and a half!
Anyway, I think silly human mind is affecting the Doctor. He came back giggling and laughing before starting to howl away.
Odd, odd time lord.
Okay, so I might sound like a spoiled and annoying child, but I really really don’t want to go back to Earth…I'll just get left in a car park again! It to so long for me to get outta there and now they want me to go back?? No way. And there’s no point in Rose trying to sweet talk me, or the Doctor trying to talk to me via sweets (don’t ask)
I. Don’t. Want. To. Go!
Does he even understand about the incessant boredom that creeps upon me every time I land on that wretched planet? Alright, they invented Tetris, and I will love them forever for it…. And I suppose it is a sort of new home for me and the Doctor since he went and blew up our old one, but, but… but…
Ah! Fine! I’ll bleeding take them to Earth then!
So, traced the phone call of Rose’s phone to silly human boyfriend, landed all gently and neat for them, and then was left for 3 days all on my own.
I don’t know why I bother.
Oh! And then something amazing happened… I was moved a quarter of a mile east, landed in a school basement, and then was left for 3 days all on my own.
And then (this is where it actually gets good) Sarah-Jane appeared, the Doctor followed her, she paid no attention to me and wandered off again with him! And then I was left for a further day all on my own.
That was about it really… apart from when some cretin decided to blow the school up while I was still in it.
They could’ve asked me about it all. I already KNOW the Skasis paradigm!
Heh, I could rule the universe if I wanted to! But what’s the point? I’ve already seen how it ends and it’s bleak, and depressing, and they haven’t even discovered the meaning of life… which I also know.
God, I’m just too good.
But anyway, it was nice to have Sarah back, even if it was for a bit… oh, and while the Doctor was fixing K9 (stupid, loyal dog) I absorbed all the data he had collected about Earth. Not that I needed it, but it’s useful to know about little human traits… like their obsession with money and the fact that they paint their fingernails in funny colours…
What’s all that about then?!
Ah well, goodbye to Sarah and hello to Rose’s little ape friend with the low IQ… Mickey…
I think the Doctor just wanted a new pet really.
Oh, god it’s depressing...
But before that, I was in a good mood for once! I’m so glad Mickey came… he’s like a 24hour comedy outlet! He’s so foolish in everything he does… basically, he got lost and then fell into the swimming pool!
Right… back to the depressing stuff. And I care, I really do. I know it seems I’m a tad dismissive of it all, but the Doctor was hurting. And I felt it.
Landed in this huge ship where the droids had lovingly decided to butcher the whole crew in an attempt to fix it, and then decided to to stalk a French woman. Sounds a bit creepy ey? Anyway, silly Doctor goes and gets himself involved and silly human emotions take over. Oh yep, he was smitten.
So Rose and Mickey go gallivanting off on dangerous ship where they are sure to die, Doctor goes gallivanting off into dangerous past where he could become trapped, then Doctor comes back, and goes gallivanting off on dangerous ship where he is sure to die.
Are you seeing a pattern here?
Oh! And guess what! This is the best bit… I got left on my own! Hmmm, this is odd. I never used to care about being left, it is, after all my job. I think I have picked up new Doctor’s hyper activeness.
I suppose I shall just have to find a way of amusing myself. May take up emu farming. I bet there’s a room somewhere in me that the Doctor will never find… Or I could just play Tetris again.
Anyway, back on topic, the Doctor nearly went and got trapped in France, all because of a silly crush. That’s the thing, he gets love. Easy. No problem. But its these new human emotions that he’s getting trouble with… can’t differentiate between a crush and love. I blame the Time War.
Stupid Time War.
But its okay, Doctor came back. But he was sad, so sad, since he missed seeing his French friend again before she died. And of course he wont just hop in me and go to her. Noooo that would be a paradox and we don’t want that.
Honestly, in the old days he would have done it anyway, but I suppose… no Time Lords no stable reality anymore. Can just keep crossing time lines willy nilly.
Jeez. Why am I being so remorse and reflective? Oh, right. I’m picking up on the Doctor’s emotions. Wow. Thanks Doctor, now not only am I bored silly cause of you hyper activeness, I’m now also pensive and depressed. Great.
Ha! Okay, I’m much happier now! Silly silly Mickey! He’s been holding down that button for 29.7843 minutes! It only needed to be pressed for 7/8th of a second!
And yes, I find things much more amusing when there’s high amounts of physics or complicated numbers involved.